mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
