A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
