kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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