Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
