glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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