3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
