When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
