I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
