is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
