I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
