tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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