i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
is this the sara with the beer cane?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
