dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
