I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
