): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
