By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
honey bunches of taint.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
