it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
In America we eat man semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
