Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
