The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
