I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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