He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
