White coat. Heels.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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