she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
