my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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