i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
