I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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