sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
