so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
