I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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