I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize