I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
