I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
