Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
please come you make the beer taste better
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
im on a boat
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