Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
