My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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