fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
