i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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