we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please come you make the beer taste better
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
