I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
