Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
