So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
