U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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