I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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