i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize