Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
