I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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