I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize