I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He passed out mid-signature
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
