I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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