Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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