so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
