why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
