i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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