No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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