I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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