so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
