Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
false alarm. still invincible.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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