just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
