Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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