He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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