just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
