You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
