"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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