What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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