I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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