I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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