i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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