The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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