Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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