Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
