YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
