but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
