If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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