she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
