Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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