I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
