Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
