So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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