I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
