Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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