I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
