At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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