it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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