I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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