I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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